我没有办法

太多的事没人可诉说，facebook诉苦也换来朋友的担心和欠骂。真的没有任何管道。只好又回到这里。
一切换来还是痛。就一个字。现在的我，很痛很痛。有没有一个更适合的字眼让我形容现在的感觉？！
当我一看到你的update，整个心是掉到一个无底洞。这种感觉真的无法形容。
不要了！不想要！
谁能帮帮我？！从来没有这么难受过！
无人在身旁，一个人如何解脱？
我已经不知道该如何掌握了。

What am i to do!

Through years of salt and pepper, people tell me i should know what's wrong and right.
Yes, i replied. I know.
I was being an idiot to not know what is meant to be said and what's not.

After years of suffering from salt and pepper, i seriously learnt.
What is meant to be said and what's not.
Because it was such a difficult path, i chose to not say a single thing about a single shit i know.
Unless it's my own matter.

And now, troubles and problems come to me again. like before.
In the end, you know what?!
They say, alac, you should have spoken what you know. You all along keep quiet down there, you can't blame people for misunderstanding you.
Great.
I'm not a person good with words. Either i speak and people tend to add colours to them, OR i keep quiet and get misunderstood by people.
They don't even give me a chance to clarify myself!

Ar bo tell me what to do la!

Lucky me, i forgot i got a few friends to side me, to protect me, regardless i am wrong or right.
They just do it, because it's me. I think. Ha.

Been such a long time since i remembered someone spoke this to me, " alac, i won't let anyone touch you. If she tries to find trouble with you, let me know. i'll give her one good time."
And that is regardless on the gorunds whether i am in the wrong or right. They just care and stand in front of me to make sure i didn't lose a hair. even if the opponent is someone they know as well. Because they believe. and i nv let them down. One phone call, one sms, 5mins and here they are standing right here with me.

I was so touched i think i had a tear.

They were the people who i had lost touch with and long forgotten.
Long forgotten that they were the ones to protect me and stayed by me.

I am sorry. You guys are still there. It's me. my fault. to have forgotten all these while.

Thank you.

When we fall....

Every now and then in life, we need these videos or rather people, to push us, to give us strength to continue...

Rem his name. =)

i got shot

and the wound will always stay fresh and bleeding.

I found the deadliest sentence.
A passing thought of it will make tears in my eyes, whenever, wherever.

" If it's not for you, i would have sold this house and run away to lead my own life! "

In simpler words, i got abandoned.

I don't want to be your burden. I can support myself. If i have known earlier your intentions, i would packed my bag long before.

Anyone up to share a house?

All in all, it feels motherfarking GREAT to know i got a mother, who "abandoned" me when i was 13. A father, with intentions to abandon me 13years after.

buy 4d ar. 1313.
huat ar.

Office fridge, stock with tiger pls?!

I want the fridge to be like the latest heineken advertisement!
Screams and excitement!
so that i can drink drank high and ideas flow!

Like Ivan like Alac

At certain points of life, i will tend wonder if my parents really did give birth to me.
This question haunts me since my teenage life. Especially the huge differences i had with my brother. He is everything that i am not. And since i was 3, my mum had been telling me that they picked me up from a rubish bin and that my brother could vouch as he was there when they picked me. I don't know how to put this curiosity towards my dad, so it just keeps going on and off my mind.

Tonight, i think my doubt has been cleared. No need to even go for a DNA test.

We attended a family function together.

My dad got really drunk.
I was only high drinking with cousins.
On the way home, he kept repeating this in hokkien "I don't know why i'm so drunk tonight. Yesterday i drank so much more than just now but i am also not drunk."
He repeated for at least 2349868 times until his friends in the car also cannot take it alr.
Then he kept asking me to tell the cab driver where to go for 43674856 times.

When we got down the cab, he was wobbling and i asked if he wanted to puke.
He said " you know i seldom puke when i got drunk! how many times have you seen me puke?"

All these minor incidents confirm that I AM IVAN NG'S FLESH AND BLOOD!

Get it?

ps: i got an urge to change my name to AVAN/EVAN NG.
Friends, please advise...
LOL!

i will register this new name when i change my ic in 4 yrs time. (if possible)

Karma. it'll come....

For the one who took my cash...
I donate you a 150bucks to charity.
(for your disability)

For the one who intend to use my credit card...
Dream on a thousand years.
(i called citibank and they blocked)

For the one who wish to draw my cash from atm...
Take me on and you'll be caught.
(i called and they blocked again!)

For the one who sold my identity for illegal purposes...
Dare me now.
(i got my birth cert!)

For the one, who took my precious wallet...
You wait. You took my memories. You took what i treasured most.
YOU!!!! don't even leave a way out for me.

Because you took away my precious.
Because you took away the thing i treasure most.
As much as i am reluctant.
as much as i am being educate not to.
As much as my religion disallow.
As much as my thai reglion disagree.

MAY... YOU BURN IN HELL!

i believe in karma.
i believe in good and bad.
the moment you decide to take it.
you better be prepared to suffer it.

I CURSE.
I SWEAR.
if you have a conscience, give me back what i deserve.

IF NOT, MAY YOU BURN IN HELL!!!!!!!!!!!

sorry ar. but i have to add on ar. cause i feel damn sad for the one who stole.
you don't have a conscience.
i bet you failed badly in your secondary hao gong min. (oh sorry. you didn't even complete your nursery. my fault.)

Your upbringing is so sad to even mention.
Do you even have a proper family to grow up with?
or do you belong to those whose parents are filthy rich yet you're not given a single love and concern?
Tell me tell me!
Tell me which you belong to?!

maybe after what you've confessed, i may give you a chance to go primary school yo?